went with annie to david’s memorial today. so wonderful to see middle aged italian parents crying and hugging with drag queens, hippies, and queers. beautiful stories and beautiful performances that made me cry for a beautiful person i barely knew. sitting alone in an apartment as annie takes her rightful place in a crowd of tears and memories and support, i find myself sickly jealous.

i wish i had gone to your memorial. i wish i could hear more stories about you. i wish i could talk about you to someone who actually knew you. i’m tired of feeling like our relationship was a secret, and i’m tired of conversations that avoid speaking about you. i’m sick of these people who never met you and have no idea how my seemingly undisturbed life turned upside down when you left.